When we think about communication, spoken words are often the first thing that comes to mind.

But communication is much bigger than speech.

A child might pull you toward the kitchen when they want a snack. They might hand you the remote when they want their favorite show. They might push something away, cover their ears, reach toward an object, bring you their shoes, point, use a picture, select something on an AAC device, repeat a familiar phrase, sign, look toward something, or simply move away.

Those actions may look very different from one another.

But they can all communicate something.

Sometimes, the first step in helping someone communicate more isn’t teaching them something new.

It’s learning to notice what they’re already telling us.

Communication Can Look Many Different Ways

There isn’t one correct way to communicate.

People may communicate through spoken words, AAC, signs, pictures, gestures, facial expressions, sounds, movement, body language, actions—or a combination of many different forms.

Someone might say “no.”

Someone else might shake their head.

Another person might push an item away.

Someone may select NO on a communication device.

Another person may turn their body away from what’s being offered.

Those responses don’t look the same, but they may communicate a similar message.

When we focus only on spoken language, it can be easy to overlook communication that’s already happening.

Instead of beginning with:

“How can I get them to say it?”

we can also ask:

“How are they already telling me?”

That small shift can change what we notice.

Communication Is More Than Asking for Things

Learning to ask for favorite foods, toys, activities, or people can be useful.

But a person’s communication needs extend far beyond requesting things they want.

Communication also gives someone a way to say:

No.

Stop.

Help me.

I need a break.

I’m finished.

I don’t want that.

I don’t understand.

Something hurts.

I need space.

I changed my mind.

And communication isn’t only about needs.

It’s also how people share interests, make choices, ask questions, tell us about something they noticed, seek connection, express excitement, participate in decisions, joke, protest, and share pieces of themselves with the people around them.

Communication gives a person a way to participate in their own life.

Notice Before You Teach

When someone has difficulty communicating, it’s understandable to immediately think about what skills we need to teach.

Teaching may absolutely be part of the answer.

But first, it can help to become curious about the communication that already exists.

Notice what happens when the person wants something.

What happens when they don’t want something?

How do they seek help?

How do they show that they’re finished?

What happens when they want someone to come closer—or move away?

How do they show excitement or discomfort?

What happens when they don’t understand?

You may begin noticing patterns that weren’t obvious before.

A person who rarely asks for a break with words may consistently move away from an activity.

Someone who doesn’t say “help” may bring an object to another person when they can’t make it work.

A child who doesn’t verbally say “no” may still have a very clear way of rejecting something.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t help someone develop additional ways to communicate.

It means we don’t have to wait for those new skills before listening to the communication that’s already there.

What Happens After Someone Communicates Matters

Imagine learning to press a button that says BREAK, but every time you use it, you’re told:

“Not yet. Finish first.”

Eventually, that button may not feel very useful.

Communication becomes meaningful when it has an effect.

That doesn’t mean every request can always be granted immediately. Sometimes something isn’t available. Sometimes plans really can’t change. Sometimes safety matters.

But there is a difference between honoring communication and always saying yes.

We can acknowledge the message.

We can respond.

We can explain when appropriate.

We can offer alternatives.

And whenever possible, we can allow someone’s communication to influence what happens next.

This is especially important when we teach communication such as no, stop, help, break, finished, and I don’t want that.

If we’re going to teach someone to advocate for themselves, their advocacy has to matter.

Give Communication Time

Sometimes we’re so eager to help that we accidentally make communication harder.

We ask a question.

Then we ask it again.

Then we reword it.

Then we show them what to say.

Then we ask again.

Meanwhile, the person may still be working on the first question.

Some people need more time to process what they’ve heard, decide how they want to respond, organize a response, and communicate it.

Try asking—and then waiting.

Really waiting.

Watch what the person does during that space.

They may look toward something. Reach. Gesture. Move. Use their device. Say a word. Sign.

Or they may need additional support.

Waiting doesn’t mean never helping.

It simply gives the person an opportunity to respond before we decide what their response should be.

When You Don’t Understand

Sometimes someone is clearly trying to tell us something and we simply don’t know what it is.

That can be frustrating for everyone involved.

A communication breakdown doesn’t mean the person failed.

You can acknowledge what’s happening:

“I know you’re trying to tell me something. I’m not sure I understand yet.”

Then get curious.

Can they show you?

Can they point?

Could you offer a few choices?

Is there a picture or communication system available?

What was happening immediately before this?

Could something be uncomfortable?

Could they be asking for help, space, a break, an item, connection—or something completely different?

We won’t always figure it out.

That’s okay.

The goal isn’t to become a perfect communication detective who correctly interprets every movement another person makes.

The goal is to remain responsive enough that the person learns:

When I communicate, people listen.

Help Communication Grow

Once we understand more about how someone already communicates, we can help them build additional ways to express themselves.

That might involve spoken language.

It might involve AAC.

It might involve signs, pictures, gestures, visual supports, or several forms of communication together.

And communication practice doesn’t have to happen only at a table or during a formal teaching session.

Everyday life is filled with opportunities.

Choosing breakfast.

Asking someone to open a container.

Deciding which shirt to wear.

Requesting another turn.

Asking for help with a toy.

Telling someone to stop.

Choosing where to sit.

Asking to go outside.

Sharing something funny.

Saying that something is too loud.

Telling someone they’re finished.

The goal isn’t to turn every moment into a lesson.

It’s to make communication available, useful, and worth using throughout the person’s real life.

When specialized communication support is needed, families can also work with appropriately qualified professionals, including speech-language professionals and others on the person’s support team.

Becoming a Better Communication Partner

Supporting communication isn’t only about changing what the person does.

Sometimes it means changing what we do.

We can slow down.

We can notice.

We can wait.

We can model.

We can make communication supports accessible.

We can respond to attempts we weren’t expecting.

We can avoid requiring speech when another effective form of communication is available.

We can recognize refusal as communication.

We can give someone opportunities to make meaningful choices.

And we can remember that communication doesn’t have to look the way we expected in order to matter.

Before we teach someone to communicate more, we have to make sure we’re listening to the communication they’re already giving us.

Because being a good communication partner doesn’t require understanding every message perfectly.

It begins with believing that the person has something worth hearing—and making it easier for them to be heard.

Put This Into Practice

Understanding someone’s communication gets easier when the people around them share what they’ve learned.

Getting to Know How I Communicate — A Stellary Communication Profile is a free two-page tool designed to help you document how a person communicates things like yes, no, help, break, discomfort, connection, and more, along with the supports that make communication easier. Those are the same practical communication areas captured in the finished profile.

Download: Getting to Know How I Communicate →